Our bodies bare the burden...
Roughly three months ago I began noticing “spots” showing up on my lower back. A mixture of red and white, the spots began spreading quickly. Before I knew it they had covered my whole back and now parts of my chest and abdomen (ps - not seeking medical advice here). Confused and stubborn, I tried a mixture of home remedies, to no effect.
Synchronistically, about a week ago Makenzie invited me to her acupuncture appointment in Santa Monica (to which she was recommended by a numerologist that we had seen together). Our intention was to see if the Traditional Chinese Medicine doc could offer help and to do something nice/new/fun for me.
Now I’m typically a pretty “cool” guy, meaning I feel relaxed, at ease, and peaceful mostly. But when those needles entered my body, I felt a level of tension I had never experienced before. It was as if someone was dumping hot coffee on my entire nervous system...not comfortable.
After the session, the doc and interpreter returned to the waiting room looking pretty grim. Among many other things they shared with me that what was happening with my skin was an autoimmune condition, my body’s attempt to heal from an emotional trauma that had happened about a year and a half ago (the beginning of my last romantic relationship).
You can imagine my shock/surprise. Here I thought I was going in for a nice little self-love sesh and now I’m receiving news that something pretty serious is happening here. But rather than panic, Makenzie and I took this as a sign/opportunity for me to let the emotions of this past experience rise up, and for us to dive in to it, together.
What I realized in the self-reflection that followed was that, through the duration of that romantic relationship (a little over a year), I had completely abandoned my Soul, and my body was carrying the burden of that. What do I mean? Honestly, I wasn’t happy with my life when I started that relationship. I was working at a job I hated, coaching courses that lacked God, building a business that felt like force (rather than flow), partying to mask that “hollow” feeling inside, all the while portraying myself as happy and completely put together over social media. Add a tumultuous relationship all about looking good and seeming like the happiest couple on earth and you start to get a sense of the disconnect I was feeling from myself. I was being “fake,” and doing everything I could to just keep that boat afloat and keep moving forward, on a hope that it would all somehow magically get better.
Well, it did get better, a whole lot better, but not the way I thought it would. The contrast between my life experience and my Soul’s mission was so extreme that it caused me to dive so deep into my vibrational work that it became the single most important thing in my life. My relationship to Source became number one, because it had to, for my own survival. Every day I was scripting out my truths/intentions, pouring every bit of my heart and Soul onto those 8” by 11” sheets of “my saving grace.” Every day I started to regain a little bit more of myself, a process that is still happening today. But it wasn’t until I faced the whole truth and completed/ended my romantic relationship that I allowed enough space for my beloved to show up. All that vibrational work make me a match to the most amazing woman in the world that I now consider my wife. Following through on my truest alignment, and with the encouragement of my beloved, I then completed EVERYTHING that was no longer in alignment (my work, my business, coaching, family stuff, EVERYTHING). It was only then that I could actually stay still long enough to process it all. And my body is still processing it all. My body is only now catching up with the emotional trauma that I experienced over the course of that time, hence this autoimmune condition. My point? Our bodies carry the burden of our misalignment with our Souls, whether we realize it or not. But mostly, we don’t realize it, and never will, because most of us don’t slow down long enough to really focus on what actually matters in life. Most of us will just keep forging ahead, because that’s just what we do, more doing.
I, however, have a whole new shot at life because I did what scared the hell out of me, stopped doing. I stopped doing what wasn’t in alignment for me, and in return I received everything that now matters to me (my relationship to Source, my beloved, KAKAO, plant medicines, real relationships with REAL people). I seriously fucking love my life because it’s a living expression of the real me. I’m so fucking grateful to be able to honor this time of healing for my body, and reflect upon all the little miracles that led up until this point.
Don’t be afraid to give up what you think you need in order to align with what’s actually here for you. If you’re guided to, stop doing, let all the bullshit go, and tune into your Soul. It may just turn out to be the greatest thing you ever do for yourself.